Friday, 22 May 2009

giraffe of the apocalypse


fact: there's been lots of beautiful and amazing 3d animals around these parts lately, but sadly no d will save you from this animal. not even chuck d.

at the end of days, when the giraffe of the apocalypse rides forth upon it's log flume of eternal misery, the only d you should hope for is a swift, and painless d.

a donut. a swift, painless donut. 

the giraffe of the apocalypse's log flume of eternal misery is easily clogged with cunningly placed swift, painless donuts. 

either that or take a crap in the fountain. it hates that.

hwank


the hwank is a brown shaped fish. unfortunately, the hwank is nearing extinction, the people of it's native island hunt it down in it's millions and organise huge feasts based solely on hwank fillets, only to spit out the first mouthful. this is due to having a taste somewhere between cheap air freshener and antique glass. the tribes people think that the hwank might revise it's flavour and organise lavish feasts to celebrate. this happens daily.

as the saying goes, "a hwank has no biolgical mechanism to revise it's flavour".

FACT: the hwank loves country music, it just adores it. really.

Monday, 18 May 2009

advancements in animal friday!


DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET!
that is not a real horse rearing it's legs, ready to rampage through your study room. although it is eerily realistic and viscerally exciting, it is in fact a PICTURE of a NORMAL horse taken with the latest CUTTING EDGE "3-D" imaging technology from japan.

these technologies can take a picture of the real "1-D" world and translate that into a true flat "3-D" image with no "2-D" traceslap just like in the real world. in laymen's terms, it's like seeing the image THROUGH YOUR OWN EYES.

but don't worry, there's no need to be a boffin to enjoy these BEAUTIFULLY REALISTIC pictures. all you have to do is sit back and enjoy "BEING THERE", and with these advancements ANIMAL FRIDAY! hopes to bring you more VIVID pictures of the amazing animal kingdom around us.

Saturday, 16 May 2009

DuckBearCow, what came first?

 

DuckBearCow is in no relation to the "mythical" platypus people speak of, the DuckBearCow is in fact a closer relative to the common chimp. The appearance of the DuckBearCow does not resemble it's name, this amazing creature was named after it's habits. It grazes on grass like a cow, drinks whisky like a duck and has a pure hate for jeans and lumberjack shirts, just like a bear!
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Sunday, 10 May 2009

Stay inside this summer!

"Confused" Shark fish lay siege to Britain's Seasides

Gah........The horror of it all!

The facts are too hideous to mention!!

Saturday, 9 May 2009

johnny le bumfish


factimum: johnny le bumfish enjoys doctor bird's professional yet courteous bedside manner but dislikes his insistence on full body cavity searches.

johnny le bumfish also poos through his nose.

it's glandular.

Friday, 8 May 2009

doctor bird


the doctor bird is the product of minutes of evolution. having evolved into a doctor, and hence not holding any qualifications, all it's patients die.

footnote - the doctor bird was the first to conduct research into the field of "white dog poo" and is seen by many as a trailblazer.

Monday, 4 May 2009

farkenpoop


oooh, you go away for a weekend and it's all animally again. hooray!

Saturday, 2 May 2009

animal friday's saturday suppliment


i would like to draw attention to a serious animal condition, that is occurring with worrying frequency. if birds stay too long in an egg, they will eventually stay in that shape. especially if the wind changes. since they do not form wings or legs, they are destined to live on kitchen floors or in hairy women's cleavage.

truly one of nature's cruellest tricks, and something that cannot be stopped. send me your money. now.

Friday, 1 May 2009

Worm like Parrot head





















This little critter can immitate over 1000 different types of worm noises, superb!
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