Friday, 29 August 2008

Orville - how he really is today



Yes, this picture details how Orville the Duck (Once a famous comedian and pop star in the 80's) has fallen from grace.

These days you can catch Orville hanging around the local strip joint, men's toilets and performing racist sock puppetry at the "Doggin' Badger" Pub in Hackney.

tastshistical


the poor fella just squeezes too darn hard, which explains why he has swan heads for hands.

penguinaut


the penguinaut is mass produced in the far future for it's excellent natural space faring abilities and sent back in time to bring harmony to the universe.

additional fact. it's a telescopic leg, not a penis. 

cocknose-tutorial

I thought i would share with you what ive learnt over the past few weeks. Cocknose is made in a 3D program called Three Dimensional Studio Max. after opening the program i proceded to make the body from something called a SPHERE, found in the STANDRD PRIMITIVE box. The eyes are made in exactly the same way and dragged to fit into two indentations i made in the sphere with my GIZMO and using SOFT SELECTION on the DOTS in the SPHERE. Then for the nose i created a TEAPOT and put it in the middle of the SPHERE with the spout sticking out, thus creating a NOSE. The hair is made from a series of TORUS objects sunk into the sphere, when i was happy with the shape i applied a MESHSMOOTH modifier on top of everything and ramped it up until my computer crashed. This is the process pixar use on their movies in order to get smooth animations and realistic skin, however pixar have more powerfull computers than me and can probably not have to complete the rest of this tutorial in a dos window. Finally realistic materials were applied to the mesh with BUMP MAPS (also something pixar use) which make the surface look more bumpy and therefore realistic. I used the materials provided in the program as i found them to be of industry standard, skin on the head, a leaf on the hair and finally i found a great eyeball texture for the eyes wich i later positioned to give the creature its haunting stare. The environment was very simple to complete after this but no less important, it helps ground the character in some kind of reality, this was also done in MAX but using PLANES instead. One of which has a NOISE modifier in it to represent mountains. Admitadly i didnt really know how this worked or what i was doing but i think the final result is bearable, and thats the main thing. Many of the main studios such as pixar will not spend that much time on backgrounds either, sometimes using the same techniques i have employed here to just place the character in context. Finally i left my machine to RENDER the scene over night, the lighting was all created in max which is the wonderfull thing about the program, you litterally can sit back and let it do most of the work. Just before i hit render though i did add another mesh smooth modifier just to bring the model up to standard with present TV 3D work. The body ended up at 20367 polys, the hair (as i will eventually be animating this) was 691200 polys and the eyes were just 10000 each. I think these figures are on a par with BBC's walking with dinosaurs, and therefore when animated this too will look just as amazing.

COCK nose

sorry ive been away for so long, i hope this post explains it all. Yes ive been learning three dimensional studio max. this piece has taken me three weeks to complete and im really happy with the results, its for a pitch for a new kids program for CBBC called cocknose. Cocknose roams the plains of NOB using its leafy hair to photosynthesise, his eyes can bend time and so is able to trumpet the news of historical events through his nose to the chilred watching from behind the safety of the mountain range. as you can see 3D really IS better and is well worth the extra effort. Tutorials to follow shortly

Monday, 25 August 2008

sickness beastie


i've had the sickness beastie in over the weekend. he's a lovely chap. always minds his p's and q's, a proper gent.

anyway, since i've been lurking around my room more than usual on a weekend, i've been hearing noises in my walls! there is some kind of beastie in my walls and it's a tapping.

does anyone know morse code?





Fact: the beastie in your walls is probably after your bacon sarnies.

Friday, 15 August 2008

Happy Happy Acid Frog


Despite its cheerfull look, the Happy Happy Acid Frog is a miserable git-lord. But for good reason. The bright and cheerfull face that lurks within its gob is a shining beacon to its predators, making it not only the most likely frog to be had, but also those which learn to keep the mouth shut soon die of starvation.

the cocktopenifox bird


it is what is. the the cocktopenifox bird is in fact a parasite, feeding off the discarded heads of foxes from where it grows miraculous tendrils and a beautiful beak. note the delicate tongue which is used to lick the tears of children that have just realised it is a foxes head with penises and bird legs. "cocktuspeninsula" to use it's latin name, was filmed in front of a studio audience.

Warning! Dangerous Animal Friday! Stand Well Clear

Killer crab




When deprived of it's usual diet of shrubs and high fibre bran flakes, the killer crab will disguise itself as human and walk amongst us, picking off random people and feasting upon the meaty goo within, until such time that it grows weary. 

Contraversial new evidence has been found linking the killer crab with the mythical mimicke crab, once widely feared amongst the pirate community. Tales of the mimicke crab tell of the beasts posing as crew members, getting blind, stinking drunk and secretly slaughtering the remainder of the people on board bar the captain. the mimicke crab was said to always spare the captain, do a little dance whilst holding all the pirates stored treasure above it's head (in a haunting display often referred to in accounts as 'the booty shuffle') before returning to the depths. 




(artists rendition based on real events)

Friday, 8 August 2008

The Mankeydoodle



This little fella has some extremely unique features. Firstly The Mankeydoodle has a musical gab in the form of a classical piano of which he plays during mating season. On first inspection it appears that the piano orifice is mute or does not appear to make a sound but there are some complicated things happening inside the makeydoodle as all this is going on.

Whilst playing his musical gab with his one claw arm, the funnels on his head extrude lathery bubbles which have encased in side them musical splendors which are played out when they explode on impact. If the bubbles are good enough this will entice a female mankeydoodle to mate (who incidentally look nothing like a male mankeydoodle instead they look a lot like a 1991, Rover Metro Clubman, 1.3L, 3 door hatchback.)

A warning though, as the male Mankeydoodle becomes more experienced in his creation of musical bubbles, it is said he is able to muster up Jools Holland jazz fusion performance bubbles which could affect your health in a serious and sometimes life threatening manner. So make sure you stay away from this creature during mating season.

Friday, 1 August 2008

The shizzferger.



The Shizzferger is a kind beast, in exchange for it's favorite treat (newspaper) it will in return perform one of it's most marvelled and rare tricks. It has the ability to summon up a fresh hot cup of Tea (complete with it's own bone china) out of it's long protruding snout hole and will offer it to the kind recipient.

inspired by clive: gentleman ben


i seem to have also given him a tiny gentleman's winky.

Biro Bee

Shit, judging by that last masterpiece I've not got the hang of this yet, this is merely a life study of a bee who inapropriately turned up to my sons first birthday party smashed off his face on flower crack. he smacked into a pram before falling to the ground going on about having "lots to do back at home... got to make the food...all the food..... ooo look.... ill just have a little sleep here" then he clumsily bounced over the rug into the jelly giggling like an idiot.

pooppo, 19, croydon



the pooppo is born from other people's ideas and a scrotal sac. having no legs to stand on, it spins fine silk cowboy boots from it's mouth, it is further supported by a badly drawn wheel which emanates from it's sac. notable abilities of the pooppo are it's ability to grow a moustache over it's eyes, and it's fine colouring, which it once saw in a 70's photograph of it's parents, who were greengrocers, also from the croydon area.

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