Friday, 29 August 2008
Yes, this picture details how Orville the Duck (Once a famous comedian and pop star in the 80's) has fallen from grace.
These days you can catch Orville hanging around the local strip joint, men's toilets and performing racist sock puppetry at the "Doggin' Badger" Pub in Hackney.
Monday, 25 August 2008
i've had the sickness beastie in over the weekend. he's a lovely chap. always minds his p's and q's, a proper gent.
anyway, since i've been lurking around my room more than usual on a weekend, i've been hearing noises in my walls! there is some kind of beastie in my walls and it's a tapping.
does anyone know morse code?
Fact: the beastie in your walls is probably after your bacon sarnies.
Sunday, 24 August 2008
Friday, 15 August 2008
Despite its cheerfull look, the Happy Happy Acid Frog is a miserable git-lord. But for good reason. The bright and cheerfull face that lurks within its gob is a shining beacon to its predators, making it not only the most likely frog to be had, but also those which learn to keep the mouth shut soon die of starvation.
it is what is. the the cocktopenifox bird is in fact a parasite, feeding off the discarded heads of foxes from where it grows miraculous tendrils and a beautiful beak. note the delicate tongue which is used to lick the tears of children that have just realised it is a foxes head with penises and bird legs. "cocktuspeninsula" to use it's latin name, was filmed in front of a studio audience.
When deprived of it's usual diet of shrubs and high fibre bran flakes, the killer crab will disguise itself as human and walk amongst us, picking off random people and feasting upon the meaty goo within, until such time that it grows weary.
Contraversial new evidence has been found linking the killer crab with the mythical mimicke crab, once widely feared amongst the pirate community. Tales of the mimicke crab tell of the beasts posing as crew members, getting blind, stinking drunk and secretly slaughtering the remainder of the people on board bar the captain. the mimicke crab was said to always spare the captain, do a little dance whilst holding all the pirates stored treasure above it's head (in a haunting display often referred to in accounts as 'the booty shuffle') before returning to the depths.
(artists rendition based on real events)
Friday, 8 August 2008
This little fella has some extremely unique features. Firstly The Mankeydoodle has a musical gab in the form of a classical piano of which he plays during mating season. On first inspection it appears that the piano orifice is mute or does not appear to make a sound but there are some complicated things happening inside the makeydoodle as all this is going on.
Whilst playing his musical gab with his one claw arm, the funnels on his head extrude lathery bubbles which have encased in side them musical splendors which are played out when they explode on impact. If the bubbles are good enough this will entice a female mankeydoodle to mate (who incidentally look nothing like a male mankeydoodle instead they look a lot like a 1991, Rover Metro Clubman, 1.3L, 3 door hatchback.)
A warning though, as the male Mankeydoodle becomes more experienced in his creation of musical bubbles, it is said he is able to muster up Jools Holland jazz fusion performance bubbles which could affect your health in a serious and sometimes life threatening manner. So make sure you stay away from this creature during mating season.
Friday, 1 August 2008
The Shizzferger is a kind beast, in exchange for it's favorite treat (newspaper) it will in return perform one of it's most marvelled and rare tricks. It has the ability to summon up a fresh hot cup of Tea (complete with it's own bone china) out of it's long protruding snout hole and will offer it to the kind recipient.
the pooppo is born from other people's ideas and a scrotal sac. having no legs to stand on, it spins fine silk cowboy boots from it's mouth, it is further supported by a badly drawn wheel which emanates from it's sac. notable abilities of the pooppo are it's ability to grow a moustache over it's eyes, and it's fine colouring, which it once saw in a 70's photograph of it's parents, who were greengrocers, also from the croydon area.